Here's to HOPE- Playing in the backyard again...

Apparently, per my new pain mgmt dr, young women who have RAD (Rheumatoid Autoimmune disease or Rheumatoid Arthritis), having Fibromyalgia (FM) is very common. I was finally officially diagnosed with FM on Feb. 14, 2012 by a pain mgmt dr. I thought I had FM a good while back but didn't have an official diagnosis. The problem was that my Rituxan (current RAD med) was working on the RAD pain but I was still in pain and wasn't sure why. Well, now I know it was due toFM.

FM has many aspects to it. 1) It attacks muscles and tendons and with this full out assault comes PAIN. Constant, unrelenting pain.  2) The central nervous system cannot decipher between a "little pain" and a lot of pain. I always said pain is subjective- and as usual, I am right (hahaha).  Think of your central nervous system as a firehose with a nozzle. The nozzle controls the flow if water (in this case, the flow of pain). Without the nozzle- the water runs at full speed, nothing channeling it, the water runneth over... ;) This is what FM does. FM Patients do not have a nozzle. The central nervous system doesn't work right. And its proven to be a chemical imbalance. This brings me to #3) Depression comes with FM. They don't know if the FM causes the depression or the other way around.. but they go hand in hand. And if you think about it, it makes sense due to the chemical imbalance. 4) Fatigue-FM has a very nasty fatigue aspect to it, just like RAD. I'm sure there are a lot more, but I'm just learning.

The pain mgmt Dr was very nice. I will call him Dr. FM. When he asked why I was there, I almost burst out in tears. I have been in so much constant pain that I didn't know where to start. I got through the explanation without shedding a tear but I sure felt the "twinge" a couple of times.  It was a good visit and I am hopeful that we get the FM controlled. I started on Savella on Feb. 14 (the evening of my appt) and he prescribed a pain medication (which the pharmacy had to order). Savella has an energy booster, anti depressant among other things.

After my pain mgmt appt, I went and picked up my daughter from school and we went to eat at a small, local, cozy diner that we LOVE. I told her about my appoinment. I don't like to keep things from my kids. I may not tell them the "not so nice details" of the disease or the meds, but I do tell them at a kid level.

I digress...
After I told my daughter that I went to a Pain Dr- She didn't even let me finish telling her about my appointment. She replied "That means you can play with us in the backyard and won't be too tired or hurting!?"  I tear up just thinking about that response and what that means. First, it means that my kids and my husband have suffered from these diseases. They have suffered differently, but they have suffered. It also means that my daughter understands exactly what these diseases are and do. I didn't have to explain why I hurt or why I'm tired all the time. She knew because I explained it to her before. She knew exactly what this new medicine may mean. HOPE. It meant that maybe, just maybe with the other meds, I can play with them in the backyard again...

~t

What is my purpse?

I don't know what to call this entry. Nor do I really know what I want to say... I know that I've had a VERY rough past couple of weeks. My medication has worn off (Rituxan) but my rheumatologist will not allow me another infusion until April 2012 (6months from the last one), because the medication is too dangerous. The constant fatigue along with the pain in numerous spots, is really doing a number on me. I am barely able to keep my eyes open past noon,, and I get up at 8am. My legs and feet decide not to work occasionally and I cry from the pain.

Even through the pain that I experience, I am starting to realize my purpose behind it all. I believe I am meant to spread awareness and educate for those that suffer from Rheumatoid Autoimmune Disease in silence. We are not meant to be in constant pain or fatigued. We are meant to enjoy life while we are here. Be able to bend over and smell the roses and put on socks without aides. I will no longer live in silence like I did for so many years as a young athletic adult who chaulked up my pain to over exercise or not being in shape. This was not the case at all, and now I have permanant damage because I "sucked it up", the pain that is.