What is my purpse?

I don't know what to call this entry. Nor do I really know what I want to say... I know that I've had a VERY rough past couple of weeks. My medication has worn off (Rituxan) but my rheumatologist will not allow me another infusion until April 2012 (6months from the last one), because the medication is too dangerous. The constant fatigue along with the pain in numerous spots, is really doing a number on me. I am barely able to keep my eyes open past noon,, and I get up at 8am. My legs and feet decide not to work occasionally and I cry from the pain.

Even through the pain that I experience, I am starting to realize my purpose behind it all. I believe I am meant to spread awareness and educate for those that suffer from Rheumatoid Autoimmune Disease in silence. We are not meant to be in constant pain or fatigued. We are meant to enjoy life while we are here. Be able to bend over and smell the roses and put on socks without aides. I will no longer live in silence like I did for so many years as a young athletic adult who chaulked up my pain to over exercise or not being in shape. This was not the case at all, and now I have permanant damage because I "sucked it up", the pain that is.