Nov. 19, 2010

Stress is not a good thing for a RA patient. I have not been able to go to my yoga class for over a month now. BUT I have kept up on my bi weekly massage. However, my left eye has not stopped twitching for 2 weeks now... stress related? let's hope so.

I have been back and forth to Columbus working on a HUGE DNA changing project for the company. Not to mention, I can't sleep without sleeping pills. :(  Last week, as we drove to the CAVS game, I had an anxiety attack. It literally felt like I was having a heart attack. This morning I woke up with the same feeling. It hurt so bad and it made me nauseous.

I'm going to be brutally honest here.. This is putting so much stress on me and John's relationship. I'm moody, uncomfortable in my own skin, and just over all unhappy. I'm still struggling with the past and forgiveness and that makes it even worse. I'm trying so hard to focus on the positives and the blessings that we have in our lives. At the same time, I'm dealing with this and i truly think its depression setting in. They say that RA and depression go hand in hand... I really don't want to be one of those statitistics.

As for pain, I've been in some. I didn't put this in my last blog, but my current prednisone dose was 20mgs up until my last dr appt at the end of Oct. She took me down to 17.5mgs now. And as crazy as it may sound, I feel those measly little 2.5 mgs missing. I need to start moving again, like every day. Riding my bike or something. RA patients need to move, as much as it may hurt, we have to keep moving or the crippling will settle in sooner.

I'm tired of looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person that is looking back at me. I want to be ME again. When I look in the mirror right now, I see exhaustion, black circles and overweight. This is not me.

I  want to thank my friends that have stuck by me and checked on me though this. I need that and you so much. I think you begin to see who your real friends are when they take time out of their lives (even if its 5 mins) to check on a friend. I have always been the giver, and it truly is nice when ppl give back. That's a friend. SO THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU ALL.

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